Part I: Demon, Destroyer of Bonds

January 8, 2009

Brown-Eyed Devil, Catalyst of Dreams

And yet, she robs me in my time of sleep. I leave all weight in the past, and still she plagues this man. To no ends is she ever satisfied to leave me be! Why did we connect in such a way? I thought that ship’s hull was blasted and what we had now rests at the bottom of the deepest and darkest of seas. But when I wake at night from her company, my suspicion states otherwise. I have had desire, in more times than once for others, but nothing has struck this heart quite like this menace has! Forevermore, will I be entrapped by her iron grip of heart?

***

Misery is unabiding.
It grows and shrinks,
Twists and stretches-
Reforms to contortion
With no visible reserve
For these plunders of heart.

Misery,
She has no soul at all!
Still, I only want those
Self-confident fingers
Sailing up and down my spine,
The wake of warming nerves, and
Limbs, and soul with the
Careful movement of the
Moon
And winds,
Commanding the sea;

Misery’s
Burning smiles,
They would light a deep groan,
Dry sand becoming moist,
Once again;
I have shared with you
All that my sea and lands contain-
But now, only ice
Meets the glass shore of a dying land.
After the flames
Ran out of fuel to burn,
Storms from the north
Created a frigid wasteland.

***

Please, oh God-Almighty and powerful, release me from these stakes, I can take the restraint no longer! I pray to the devils to take her back to wherever she came. Please oh please, just let me be! The weight from this anguish is more unbearable than any fruitlessness from any existing tree! It is more mistaking than any misdeed to date, and even more forthcoming than any pain that I have yet to face.

Catalyst–I wonder constantly of what I could not offer you, and have come to a stalemate with thought every single time. Wasn’t this pretty face enough for those delicate hands of yours to touch? Was my body not enough to swirl your womanhood into a blissful rush? A perdurable forge, I thought we were, all too powerfully demanding for energy, endlessly! we became too molten hot for the likes of coals!

Was this mind’s unconditional compassion and comfort not enough for your tortured soul? Those nights I found you desperately whimpering on the floor, an agonized clump of human flesh; I nursed and tended your every possible need and wish. I would have given every ounce of my being to lessen your pain to any degree, and now here I ache with only myself. At least I have that–I am not yet without feeling.

But now, I am sinking deep, setting everything in a backwards motion.

So how did our endearment really work? If my efforts were not in vain, than why do I feel so divided all the time? My boyhood dream actualized in physical limits, shattered into a fable of the mind! And in this irony I laugh in my face–I would never even dream or contemplate sharing the likes of this mind with you, not ever again! Your insolence perspires from me even now, still, and I feel sick from spinning around this insecurity of mind.

Why are you still here? Why do these dreams linger on?

***

Why did I let you,
Parasite,
Take residence in this soul?
You know the code,
Can gain access to any port,
And it matters not how many firewalls are up!

Fucking wretched beast!
Putrid decaying mess!
Fleeting and wrecking rest,
Forbearer of all that is reeking of distress—
Me.

This.
Alone, without you.
Forlorn without your arms
Wrapped around my;
Chest to chest so close;
One torso with eight limbs;
So tightly,
Four legs intertwined into one.
And your head and mine submerged;
Eyes meet murky through lips.

Happiness becomes illusive—
Fleeting,
Whenever my attention is diverged
To the likes of you!
Curse this impossible mess!

Please,
Dear of past-devil that is lasting;
I am before you on my knees again.
Groveling.
All I ask is for you, to
Return what is rightfully mine—
Please give back what is frightfully divine—
Love.

I do not ask for my precious time spent on you,
It is far too late to return,
And far too great to restrain.
I simply wish for closure—

Once again,
I would like to sleep at night.

*****

When Orion departed this season, I feel as though he pointed me in an interesting direction–Treachery. This is a direct challenge, a test of my good faith and optimistic will. It is a direct warning to stray not at all, not in the least-—A very minuscule amount, from the edge of a knife. On this open field of life before me, there are infinite paths to take, but Orion has direct faith to offer me only one way.

Excellent–This challenge is mine to take. Accepted. Now Orion lowers the tide; temptation and distractions having more places to reside and a multitude of diverse angles for approach. Friend, skilled hunter from above, you are a dangerous fellow, and this is why I choose you above all to watch out for those who would attack from behind.

The seasons change, but no desire flees. Indignation of mind sets in, and it becomes ever more trying to breathe. Orion wishes that I do not suffocate, and has taught me how to command the skin to take in more oxygen–Breathe. There will be no death here tonight. Relax. There is supposed to be struggle during this time.

*****

And then what he seeks cannot be found—
Not here
And not in this time.
The will of the forsaken,
Despite the plight of momentous barriers,
Carries onward.

The silk of skin and hands
Intertwined is only a resting place,
Because the real work—
All desire in all forms,
Comes from a certain aspect of approach.

The nature of seeking is to discover
And to uncover new ideas—
From these,
Thoughts of change.

What he seeks will be found soon enough,
But only a small portion ahead
Of the knife’s edge will be revealed.
Step back
As carefully as possible dear friend,
But then move quickly and do not even hesitate to look back.
Everything you need is upon you,
At all times and places,
With the exception of this pen—
Even then,
We all knew you were not
Meant to write what you thought then onto paper.

Commence.

***

Disintegration…

Here is the consumption of mind, unable to stop:

Euphoria in its most desirable state.
Fists rise up and touch the branches,
The time is coming and it approaches quickly.
Squander through the forest;
Move quickly
As to not be seen on the floor’s clearing!

But then despite prestigious efforts of stealth,
The python will strike in the tropical sun.
Destiny and desire disintegrate once again:
All that is left is futility,
The feeling consuming most of this life all the time.

Transition!
Rebirth!

My friend,
As an egg he waits.
He waits to hatch.
He waits.
When the time and place are just right,
He will thrust his beak at the perfect angle,
More precise than any missile.
Then, with the shell cracked,
Pecking life will be exposed—

Festering.
Waiting.

Will sleep come? Inevitably.
Will I wake? Undoubtedly.
Will She be there…? One may hope not.

*****

Listen now folly heart, heed now to my demands: Open your pitiful eyes and see the cloudless sky cover suddenly and splice in half. Directly down the middle, a sick sort of catalyst will emerge as some Supreme Being. Noontime will follow the Moses-wrecking split in clouds with a hellish glow from beyond Earth, and absolutely no shadows will be cast. Dust and dirt will fall from above, a frenzy seemingly from nowhere, and heaps of grime and death will scatter to cover all in existence upon this land.

From sleep, in dreams you will heed to such commands–Freeze yourself and watch what comes forth from the oblivion above! Emergence of these forsaken fire starters will bring the world of dreams much toil, torching settlements and eradicating forms of development. The people of this land will panic, babies will wail to no end, and the sea will ultimately prevail; all bodies of water will comfort the fall of devils who fail to fly. No shadows will be cast. Humanity is doomed.

Oh Father,
Dear Mother,
When will the chance to rest finally come again? Orange-azure fuck to grey; the petulant need for air follows immediately. The sky churns in…

“Can’t you ever be serious? People are suffering and dying here!”

Simply, move on and forth. I am seriously sincere, consistently certain with constant thought; dwell in these dreams I have laid out, and you will meet my fate. I had no idea it was coming—-Unexpected devils draped in heavenly disguises. The wings and horns were covered by her clothes, and when I stripped them from that most perfect of bodies, those brown eyes glazed my mind—-Now rotting to fucking nothing, a time consumed mass controlled by the strings of a puppeteer. On you beast, the comfort I gave you and the passion I received. I thought I could help–This pure mind of mine not to be effected by devilish schemes! Why me? Why lock that gaze onto the likes of me? Innocence is being repaid in the most devastating way.

I thought I made you feel finally at home, you fucking priss–I thought you loved as I did.

Wrong again.
Shoulder sink to chest-
Taste that sensual warmth,
Shudder to no end!
Feel perspiring flesh.
Using my body to subdue the mind-
Moan; scream from heart and lungs,
Scratch the membranes behind your tongue to
Pierce everything that I have!
Sink your teeth into my porous skin, my neck,
Suck me dry tonight.

Goodbye.

*****

Orion sleeps again, leaving me to contest with this head–Mind, ego, and soul; all as one, with or without this body and heart to direct physical motion and circulation of blood and thought.

The cycles never sleep–Forever moving, forever changing. Persistence leads on. In one year I have seen so much but have not felt enough.

So here I am.

This body strains from a virus I care nothing of. Besides physical limitations, I feel it not at all. The cavernous dark and wet wipe all doubt from my mind. The heart can do miraculous things when in it resides bats, eyeless fish, and various layers of stratum and sediment. All that can find no other place to run off like water resides here–Unseen, swelling with anguish, and waiting.

She will have time to show her face, and I will vanquish her. No hesitation. Her earthy eyes will plead and her smooth arms will swarm her circumference with protest.

And I will be rid of her.

And I will smirk.

Then I may return. I can once again meet the beauty of cerulean. The cellaret of my heart may soon truly contain worthy intoxicating vices, and I will welcome the comfort of mother moon and sister stars–For a time.

I swear, by the time of next Orion-rise, I will be rid of that Brown-Eyed Devil, catalyst from the cavern’s hearth of heart.

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3 Responses to “Part I: Demon, Destroyer of Bonds”

  1. Kaylala Says:

    Let me start by saying that your writing has reached a level of emotional sophistication that I hadn’t even realized. I was very impressed by your ability to communicate what you were feeling.

    However, in some parts it felt like you were struggling with how exactly to portray a thought or a feeling and it lead you to complicate the piece unnecessarily. I really would prefer to do this in person or on the phone, though. My suggestions aren’t just “change this to this” but like…require dialogue.

    The one just on the table suggestion I can make i that in the part where you say “Fucking wretched beast!/Putrid decaying mess” you should simplify it. You’re disdain is muddled by the flowery language. You’re calling her an animal and a pile of shit and your word choice takes the edge off of it.

  2. jovianchiron Says:

    but the emotion of disdain is often muddled. perhaps this was done intentionally. human emotions are not always clearly cut and understandable. i caught how i felt in the most accurate way possible.

    i completely understand what you are saying, i have had this brought to my attention by the first two editors. it still stands.

  3. nerdliffic Says:

    That was Tight Dude..

    Keep it up.


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